With Thanksgiving coming up, it has me thinking a lot about food.
I didn’t realize how horrible of a relationship I had with food before. I thought it was normal for everyone to not eat for three or four days at a time. Growing up part of my personality was that I was super crazy short and super crazy skinny. That was what most of my conversations were about too. I was always supposed to be the skinny girl.
Growing into my woman body, I wasn’t skinny anymore. I started getting stretch marks and cellulite too. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t the skinny girl. I thought I was obviously eating too much and I should just stop eating all together.
I always hated the feeling of eating food after that. My throat would be so sore. I hated how weak I was and how little energy I had. But I had to be skinny! It was always so hard and painful to say no I’ll just drink water, I’m not hungry. I hated looking at food because I knew how “fat” I would be if I ate any of it. I would just constantly remind myself that I’m fat and I shouldn’t eat. I was counting calories and thought 1,000 calories should be my maximum amount I eat in a day. I would just prefer to sleep because I knew if I were awake I would want to eat. I was constantly thinking about food and being fat. I thought the more I thought about food, the more that made me fat. It drove me crazy. It hurt so much emotionally and I was always crying.
I don’t know how I broke out of that mindset. I just know that I felt a strong needing to share my story. Maybe it is the holy spirit telling me to so I can help someone else out.
Fashion Lover 